Hello friends. It’s been a rough week. When I woke up Wednesday morning I didn’t expect there to be any conclusive election results. I got up and showered and got dressed and then went into the kitchen for breakfast in complete and unconcerned bliss. James was cooking breakfast and already knew, was trying to figure out how to tell me. He didn’t say anything at first, just gave me a hug and burst into tears. Part of me suspected why he was crying, but the other part was in denial so I asked him if he was ok. And then he used words, and then I started yelling obscenities, and I really really wanted to break something. No not just break something, but smash it to pieces while screaming. My anger startled James out of his sadness and he reminded me to breathe. So we both breathed. And then we sat down and had pancakes and coffee for breakfast.
When I left the house for work on my bike, the city was covered in a thick fog. I love fog and a thick fog in the city is unusual. I determined that instead of getting worked up about all the things that may or may not happen come January, I am going to sit in the uncomfortable place of not-knowing. I refuse to get sucked into the political blame game. I refuse to listen to all the talking heads parsing all the numbers and making up theories about this, that and the other. It’s pointless and only makes me angry.
As I pedaled through the fog I decided that what I need to do is find joy every single day. When I decided that, the world generously provided. Not only was the fog already a great joy, but as I biked past a lake I heard a duck quack from the fog covered water. A quack in the quiet dark and fog is a delightful sound and I laughed.
Then when I passed a big old cemetery where there is a small herd of deer who have made it their home, I saw the deer laying down and standing in the fog and a small black cat stalking them. The deer were completely unconcerned. I laughed and laughed over the cat and their delusions of ferocity.
And soon after I pedaled past a large evergreen bush that was filled with chirping sparrows. The sparrows were all inside the bush and I could not see them, only hear them. And they were loud! It was as if the bush were singing. Maybe it was. I laughed.
All this during a 38-minute 7 1/2 mile bike ride. In spite of everything, there is still joy and beauty in the world, and I refuse to allow that to be taken away.
This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been sad; I have. I’ve been giving myself the grace and space to grieve for a little while. And I’ve been checking in with friends, especially LGBTQ+ friends.
Just as I’ve been not listening to the talking heads and their so-called analysis, I’ve been not reading most of the news articles that come in my numerous newsletters speculating on what might happen now. However, there is one article I did read that I found useful, 10 Ways We Can Prepare for Another Trump Presidency. It gives good advice like “do not obey in advance, do not self-censor,” and “release that which you cannot change.” One of the points I like best is “find your path.” There will likely be a lot of things to be outraged about and many of us will want to run around trying to fix all the things. But it will be too much. Find your path; figure out how you will resist and what issues you want to focus on. Is your path protecting people or disrupting and disobeying? Or something else? Maybe you don’t know right now, and that’s ok, there will be plenty of opportunity to figure it out. Just don’t spread yourself thin. We need to trust that whatever path we choose, there are others that have chosen something else that works on issues we care about but don’t have the time or resources for. Does that make sense? I have thoughts about my path, but it isn’t clear and I’m not certain it will be a well defined path, more likely one of overgrown plants buzzing with bees and covered in butterflies, or perhaps a pathless meadow with a sentinel tree in the middle.
In the dark times
Bertolt Brecht, Motto to the Svendborg Poems
Will there also be singing?
Yes, there will also be singing.
About the dark times.
There are still flowers. On our way for groceries yesterday, James and I biked by a patch of rose bushes covered in pink roses. In November! It was a gloomy day, threatening rain, and the bright pink flowers lifted my heart.
In the garden we are still picking some arugula to put on sandwiches. The dyer’s chamomile continues to bloom. And some New England asters opened some new purple flowers. We had rain overnight and into this morning, a soft soaking rain. The chickens have been out all day enjoying the cool and damp. I raked leaves up off the sidewalk in front of the house and tossed them beneath trees and onto flowerbeds. Some of the prairie grasses are still a deep green, and although the goldenrod has finished blooming weeks ago, all their leaves remain green and perky.
While there is rain in the forecast for the week ahead, there is still no snow. Since we continue in drought despite the rain—we have a lot of moisture to make up—I’m glad the snow is holding off so everyone can quench their thirst before the cold arrives and the ground freezes. This has also allowed me to be relaxed about finishing up the end of season tasks. I’m getting there, but it’s been kind of nice not having to cram them all into one or two weekends while bundled up to the nose because of the cold. Nonetheless, I put the snow shovel out on the front porch today.
Reading
- Book: The Visionaries: Arendt, Beauvoir, Rand , Weil, and the Power of Philosophy in Dark Times by Wolfram Eilendberger, translated by Shaun Whiteside. All four of these women philosophers developed their core philosophies just before and during WWII. The book is a sort of group biography that focuses on that time period. It is not an in-depth study of their lives or their philosophies. What it does provide is a fascinating look at how these four women thought and responded to what was happening in Europe. Each one created a very different philosophy, and it was interesting to see how Rand went to one far extreme and Weil to the other with Beauvoir and Arendt swirling around in the middle.
- Book: The Saint of Bright Doors by Vajra Chandrasekera. This has been such a buzzy book and has been nominated for and won some prizes. I’ve heard is was kind of weird and people either loved it or hated it. Maybe because I have read a lot of fantasy over the years, I did not find it weird. I did find it imaginative and full of twists and unexpected elements that were fun and interesting. Did I think the book was amazing? No. Did I very much enjoy it and plan to read his new book sometime? Most definitely.
- Essay: The Magic Mountain Saved My Life by George Packer (gift link to The Atlantic). I enjoyed this essay so much I actually bought a copy of The Magic Mountain that I plan on reading along with, or after, Olga Tokarczuk’s The Empusium which I’ve seen written about as “updating” Mann’s book. Should be fun companion reading!
Listening
- Podcast: Outrage and Optimism: Rewilding the World with Ben Goldsmith and Stephen Fry. This was only a short bit from the usual podcast hosts before they handed it over to a different podcast called Rewilding the World in which host Ben Goldsmith interviews Stephen Fry who turns out to be a big environmental activist and advocate.
Watching
- Movie: Wild Robot. An animated film for kids with some most excellent jokes in it for adults. It’s a sweet feel good movie. The only thing I did not like is that even though the robot is non-gendered, they gendered it as female because of course “she” becomes a mother to a baby goose. Sigh.
James’s Kitchen Wizardry
There were black bean burgers and left over black bean burgers and black bean burgers crumbled into other meals. There was also home made apple pie filling from our own apple trees that James warmed up to put on our Sunday sourdough waffles.
@astoneintheriver.net it all comes in waves for me. Anger, sadness, hopefulness, despair, exhaustion, restless, hopelessness and then rage! RAGE! EXHAUSTION! SADNESS! RAGE!
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Yes, definitely waves! They are beginning to not be as larges as they were last week. i hope the same for you! Take care of yourself and gather up strength!
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Hi Stefanie, it’s been a rough week for many of us! Even watching from the other side of the world, I found it deeply unsettling and disorienting to think of so many people voting for something so odious. The US is so powerful that its leadership affects the world, but I feel for you especially, living in the US and being more directly affected.
I’ve been inspired since Wednesday, though, by some of the beautiful thoughts and responses that have come from the election. Finding beauty in darkness is the best thing we can do, and your post is a shining example of that. I can see your bike ride so vividly. The world offers us joy in abundance, doesn’t it? What a shame to waste a moment of it on a narcissistic hate-monger. We need to oppose the worst of the policies, yes, and to fight for and encourage good policies if there are any to be found, but we can’t spend another four years in outrage at who this man is and what he says. That just depletes us and feeds his insatiable need to be at the centre of everything.
Here’s to finding joy and resilience in dark times!
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Ah yes, I’ve been able to get some news from “outside” so to speak. But I don’t think there is much surprise, which adds to the sadness.
Thank you Andrew, I’m glad you were able to enjoy my bike ride! The world is indeed full of joy if we look. Sometimes it’s hard to look though. Here’s to finding joy and resilience!
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It took me a while to get angry, but this is partly because I was alone in my house (the down side of being retired).
Poetry helps me, both writing and reading it. Here’s a poem from 1925 that Ron rediscovered this week and sent me:
Shine, Perishing Republic
By Robinson Jeffers
While this America settles in the mould of its vulgarity, heavily thickening to empire
And protest, only a bubble in the molten mass, pops and sighs out, and the mass hardens,
I sadly smiling remember that the flower fades to make fruit, the fruit rots to make earth.
Out of the mother; and through the spring exultances, ripeness and decadence; and home to the mother.
You making haste haste on decay: not blameworthy; life is good, be it stubbornly long or suddenly
A mortal splendor: meteors are not needed less than mountains: shine, perishing republic.
But for my children, I would have them keep their distance from the thickening center; corruption
Never has been compulsory, when the cities lie at the monster’s feet there are left the mountains.
And boys, be in nothing so moderate as in love of man, a clever servant, insufferable master.
There is the trap that catches noblest spirits, that caught — they say — God, when he walked on earth.
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I found your poem comment hiding in the spam folder and fished it out. Thanks for sharing the wise words!
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ah! glad you retrieved the Jeffers poem
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I loved the quote, even though I usually don’t really like Bertold Brecht. You’re right about finding your own path, otherwise we would all spread ourselves thin. In this period of end of year where I usually make donations, I will choose where I give my money with that idea in my mind.
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Glad you liked the quote Smithereens. And thank you!
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Yes, last week was ROUGH. Waves of sadness and anger, despair, and then I’d forget for a little while. This week has been better. I love your advice to figure out our roles, the one or two things we want to focus on, and not spread ourselves too thin. I’m still figuring it out. One thing I thought of was to purchase books by people of color and queer people – from independent bookstores. Read and write about those books. Another is try and pursue community and get to know my neighbors better. I won’t let them steal my joy either! We are in this together.
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I’m glad you are feeling a little better Laila! I very much like your idea regarding books, especially if the Project 2025 folks get their way we can expect many attempts to create censorship laws. And community is always a good idea, it keeps us from feeling isolated and helpless. Stay joyful and strong!
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This post absolutely warmed my heart and lifted me, and I plan on sharing it with a few specific people. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for noticing what’s around you and not letting one 💩 steal your present life from you by living in your head rent free (or via news outlets). My mom drove my Uncle Ralph, who is in his 90s, to Aldi today, and on the ride home, he asked her, “Did you see those big, beautiful carrots in Aldi?”
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Thank you Melanie! You are very kind.
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I’m sure things are still wave-after-wave-ing for you. I wasn’t expecting there to be so much information, just this week, about what specifically will evolve with a formal transfer of power. It felt like I went straight from “don’t let the cart get ahead of the horse” (don’t worry too much in advance without evidence) to “look at that $*#&@$* cart go” (ok, that’s where I thought that cart MIGHT be headed but it has already arrived). It’s going to be a constant process of re-balancing, I think, but at least you know you are not alone.
Black bean burgers are so good. I love them with lots of spice (cumin, smoked paprika, etc. with an unreasonable amount of garlic of course). I did try the “pumpkin” spices with my last batch of pumpkin seeds, BTW, but I don’t think I used enough? or, else, the companion savoury spice were camouflaging it? not that it mattered cuz I gobbled them up anyway. heheh
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I wasn’t expecting there to be cabinet announcements so soon either Marcie. All I can say is, I hope the Senate finds a backbone. You are right regarding the constant process of re-balancing. Seems like every day there is a fresh outrage.
Yay for black bean burgers! And garlic! I love garlic so much that I will never have any problems with vampires 😀 Sounds like whatever you did to your pumpkin seeds, it was still pretty tasty!
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I tried to comment on this before and somehow it didn’t work and that seems emblematic of this week. I started out sad and didn’t get mad until I heard an old lady at my pool ask her physical therapist what he thought of the election and when he hesitantly said he was afraid she interrupted to say she was glad and then added “it’s in God’s hands now.” A rage came over me and I wanted to shout that it was in her hands and look what she’d done with it.
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Oh my goodness, that woman at the pool! Made me want to scream just reading your story. Impressed you managed to not shout at her!
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Pingback: Uncle Ralph’s Carrots: Report #1 🥕 – Grab the Lapels
We were horrified, even over the other side of the pond. Like you, I didn’t expect the result to come that early, and arrived at the breakfast table to find Mr Litlove fuming away. So I knew before he’d opened his mouth. I think you are right not to enter the blame game. I wonder how much this is like Brexit was for us – a lot of people cross about other things who are picking the wrong way to express their displeasure. But anyway, what does it matter? Just got to live with it now. My aim is to pay no attention to what he says and only observe what he does. The talking and pontificating is only there to obfuscate anyhow. One comment I really liked said that perhaps we needed a big villain in order to bring us closer together and to make us focus on getting things done. I think that’s true – we are often best in opposition. Well, I send big hugs, and much solidarity. And that’s a fine book on philosophy that you are reading!
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Interesting about the big villain comment. I assume it’s directed at folks in the UK? The US is falling apart even without Trump, he’s just accelerating it. Here’s hoping that some good things survive!
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Well, I think it’s probably intended to focus British minds, yes!
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